A journey to San Francisco to become no less than Me. (BLOG REBOOT: Former site of Hairy Legs.)

Posts tagged ‘oocyte cryopreservation’

My voice just cracked.

I’d like to do a really short update and let you all know that I’ve been on a voice exercise regimen that I basically created for myself from the Rent soundtrack (cheesy, I know).  It’s about an hour of singing and stretching my vocal chords down as far as I can (I’d really like to try and create a guide eventually, because it goes in a rather specific way with warmups and so forth, and it’s quite fun).

I’ve been at it for a few weeks, and when I started I really couldn’t sing any lower than the tenor parts (I’ve been trained as a soprano my whole life, so that’s a hard habit to break.)  But just this morning, a few weeks later, I started off basically singing the bass parts with little difficulty, which was sort of an instant snap.

I think my voice cracked.

This is incredibly positive for me, because my voice was part of the major trinity of things that I’m sure will secure my ability to be read as male in a social setting,  (which, if you’re curious, was voice, proper binding, and facial hair), and one of two things I was fairly certain that I couldn’t get without hormones.  What this does for me, by proxy, is ensure my future fertility- I’ll explain this.

I’d really like to be able to preserve my eggs before I get on testosterone, as I’ve said before.  This really puts a kink in my schedule to get on testosterone, because I doubt I’ll be able to afford it any time soon.  Now, don’t get me wrong- I plan on getting on testosterone eventually, 100% no doubt about it, if for no other reason than to feel right INTERNALLY, even if it had no effect on my exterior.  BUT, if I can achieve those three checkpoints into being read as male without having to go on testosterone, it will make waiting to get on testosterone infinitely more bearable, and I probably won’t turn around one day and say, “You know what?  FUCK my future kids, I just want my T!”

Achieving the second point of the trinity, with facial hair possibly on its way, will definitely make my life easier.

Ivy, my baby girl.

Last night, I dreamed that my lover and I were getting married.  He was wearing the most amazing white wedding gown and he looked like a princess.  I was wearing a tuxedo.  When we walked into the chapel, which had been barren before, the entire place bloomed to life with plants and vines and flowers and it was as if the entire world had become a beautiful and colorful place.

His bouquet was made of baby’s breath and ivy.  When we reached the altar, time slowed and stopped, and he handed his bouquet to me.  As I gazed at it, I knew our destiny.  One day, I told him, we’re going to have a baby girl, and we’re going to name her Ivy.

When I woke up, I felt on fire.

I’ve been wanting to figure out some way to preserve my eggs so I can get on testosterone and still be a daddy some day.  The main problems I have with this are the financial implications- it’s going to take me a lot longer to save up enough money to be able to extract and preserve my eggs than it would just to fling that dream to the wind and go on testosterone soon as possible.  I know I could still adopt, or find some other way to have a surrogate mother, but more and more often lately I’ve been feeling that I want my baby to be mine.  Is that too much to ask?  Should I just accept that any baby is as precious as one that comes from my genetics?  Am I being too hoity-toity in wanting to be the biological father of my child?

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