Mr. Clean was always pretty badass, huh? The only other person who could rock that polished doorknob haircut as hard as Mr. Clean was Morpheus, and you can bet those weren’t the only doorknobs that were getting polished on them.
…Now that I’m done making awkward innuendo about bald guys, I’ll get to the point. Today I’m called upon to do some serious cleaning of my seriously messy bedroom and bathroom, because my stepmom’s going into hip surgery and we may have some relatives coming and visiting and/or living with us for a while. I’m taking advantage of being forced into cleaning by pretending it was my idea and going through all of my old clothes and the girly things that have been hanging around by virtue of bad Christmas gift that I didn’t have the guts to throw out. I now have those guts, as well as some balls, and the gall, and every other body part I need to do things I would not once have done. It’s finally time to get rid of the things I seriously will never use again.
It feels like a good time to do this, because I’m no longer bouncing between wearing girl stuff in polite company and guy stuff when I feel like it. I now “feel like it” 100% of the time and the idea of putting on anything frilly, pink or skirtlike is laughably beyond reason.
Maybe I’ll have a yard sale…
I wish I could make a vlog about this. It’d actually probably be pretty funny for you to see the state of my room and me going through it. It’s seriously a wreck. This last weekend I had a kind of a party while the ‘rents were gone (again) and I wound up flinging a mattress and various paraphernalia into my room when I heard them coming up the drive a day earlier than I thought they would. So on top of the usual squalor and chaos, the mattresses and broken closet doors and other various things create a series of tilty, jaunty planes that made me wake up in the night last night thinking I was inside an Escher painting. Seriously.
(But at least that’s better than the apocalyptical dream I had night before last that God decided to destroy the world because it had too much Nathan Lane in it. It gives me the shudders.)
I digress. Today, I cut through my past with a sharpened sword and excise the filth and scum that is no longer of use to me.
(For some reason I picture that line being read with the voice of Sir Alec Guinness.)
OFF TO CLEAN!!!