So it’s been almost a month since the last time I posted. Something happened with my writing where it began to feel like a chore, and I had 59 different things I wanted to write about, and I couldn’t pick a topic, and I sat down to write about five different times and nothing worth posting really wanted to come out, and it eventually just all logjammed to where I just didn’t want to post for a long-ass time. But I wound up going to a convention, which somehow re-jumpstarted my creative processes. I have all these ideas for short films and projects and things like that, and I’m really back into the manic phase of my life, which I haven’t really been in for about 8 months. Taking that into account, along with how busy things have gotten around here, I think I’ll be getting back to posting on a somewhat more regular basis, or at least once a week.
Last time I posted, my parents were THINKING about taking on these two foster children, which I quite unfairly ranted about like a little brat until I was blue in the face. My feelings towards them have slowly but surely done an about face, and since those kids moved in two days ago, I’ve become quite taken with them.
The two-year-old little girl is absolutely low-maintenance and delightful for a toddler. She’s quiet, but she talks a little and mainly communicates in nods and head shakes. And she LOVES pickles. She’s pretty interesting.
The eight-year-old is another story. She seems to idolize me, which is awkward because I don’t know how to act around her. I let her call me by my family’s nickname for me and of course I haven’t said anything to her about my trans status, but since I bind and whatnot these days whether she’s around or not, I’m sure it’ll come up at some point. She seems young enough to get her head around the idea without judging- I’m not sure how to handle it but I think it’ll sort itself out. She’s interesting- very intelligent, but kind of bratty and manipulative. I get the feeling that she was raised in a low-class enough environment to not really have been taught anything about manners, but with enough money around to have a serious sense of entitlement. She’s already asked if we can go shopping for toys three times, and we’re doing the best we can to firmly but gently reinforce that money doesn’t grow on trees while trying to accomodate her with toys we had in the garage from when I was a kid. The old barbies my mom tried to make me play with were still almost good as new, so she seems to be satisfied.
Things are going way more smoothly than I ever expected, so I’m just rolling with the times for now.
As to my personal issues, I’ve settled on a full name that I’ll be going with when I get my legal documents sorted out. I wanted Calvin as my first name because it sounds the most like my legal first name, and my partner was the one who came up with it. It’ll probably be used in formal and career situations, but not my primary nickname. My middle name, internet name and stage name will still be Jack, as that’s a huge part of me. My nickname will come from my last name, Thomasson. I wanted to just use Thomas as my last time (as in Jonathan Taylor Thomas), but Calvin Jack Thomas felt more like just a string of first names rather than a full name, so I added a -son at the end to give it a little more finality. For some reason, Tommy feels like the most comfortable name to slip into with my friends and it just suits me the best.
So there you have it- Calvin Jack Thomasson, or Tommy for short.
Take that. It takes most people 9 months to pick out a name for someone else, and it took me 2 months to choose a full name for myself. I feel pretty good about that.
I don’t feel too much like going into the issue of integration, other than to say it’s over and done with. Things are peaceful, and it seems like it’s going to stick this time. It doesn’t hurt, I’m not uncomfortable and everything slid together like a puzzle- and pieces weren’t jammed in awkwardly because I was being forced. Everything came together in its own time.
And now that everything is pointed in one direction, one goal has come out. Transition. Everything seems to be riding on it. But I’m not in a hurry anymore. I don’t need to save anyone’s life, I don’t owe anyone anything, and this is for me. It’ll happen when it’s ready to happen.
P.S. I PROMISE I’ll get to that STP post eventually.