I don’t feel like doing a super-long post, but here are some pictures of my facial “hair” growth since I started taking T on April 24th (I think, or was it March?). It’s not much more than slightly darkening peach fuzz, and I don’t have any “before” pics to compare them with, but it’s definitely more than I had before.
Mainly I’m just feeling the pull to start really documenting these things before they go away forever and I have no evidence of things I once had. I mean, that seems desirable in one way, but I’m really feeling the sting of losing my singing voice more than I thought I would. I stumbled across some music recorded by a transman who recorded half his vocals before going on T and then finished the song after he transitioned. It just sucks because that’s exactly the project I wanted to do but never got around to doing, because during that part of my transition, I was struggling to stay alive on the streets and I didn’t have a spare nickel to get socks, let alone rent studio equipment. But it burns mostly because I know that if I’d put some effort and thought into it, I could have culled the assistance and the funding to pull it off. It’s San Francisco and someone would have known someone.
When I saw his video, I panicked and went to look for a song list of duets that I had just wanted to record for the hell of it. I was holding out some feeble hope that maybe my range wasn’t as bad as I thought it was and I just needed some warming up, is all. When I found it, I tested to see if I could hit those notes, and I squeaked and scratched my way through 2 songs before closing my list in disgust. It’s really gone, it’s really irreversible and there’s no way to get it back. I had a good voice, too. Now I’m just this normal guy who can’t figure out what the hell pitch he’s in because his vocal cords are a little different every week.
I wish this post could be less depressing, but it is what it is.
Halloween was fun.