If you’d like me to describe my life over the last few months, here it is.
Essentially, that’s it. I’ve actually been so drained after work that I’ve been coming home and crashing sometimes as early as 6 in the evening. That said, I have been waking up at ungodly hours and getting online because I can’t fall back asleep, so really I guess I don’t have any excuse for not blogging other than I’m pretty damn lazy at 4 in the morning.
But enough of that. I have managed a couple of life updates despite my job sucking my life’s blood from me.
– For one, my friends and I have finally been getting our finances together enough to be moving out. We’re looking at being able to go by this weekend, if all our reference checks could return their damn calls. So, for all intents and purposes, this may be the last blog I type from my parent’s home.
– My gender therapist basically recommended me to move on to the next step and pursue a doctor who would prescribe me testosterone. That process has been ongoing and I have yet to hear back from her, even though I sent in the paperwork weeks ago and they said they’d get back within 4 business days on the outside. I have to give them a call.
So, that’s where I am in a nutshell. I can’t think of much else to update. I pass probably 30 percent of the time consistently with people who didn’t previously know me, and closer to 70 percent of the time with people who haven’t heard me talk yet. My voice pretty much breaks any preconceptions, and it makes phone communications pretty much suck the life out of me. If no other reason I’d like to get on T for that.
OH! I had my first child misgendering experience the other day. I hear of it happening all the time to other transpeople, but it seemed so cliche to happen to me. A client with a little boy came in for an intake the other day, and I had them follow me back to the conference room. From behind me, I heard the little voice ring out-
“Mommy, is that a boy or a girl?”
I almost cracked up right then and there. And then she answered- “That’s a girl, honey.” I didn’t even know how to respond- I just pretended I didn’t hear them. How do you respond to that? “Actually, ma’am, I think your boy was closer to the truth than you…” How do you even humiliate someone like that, cause a scene, etc.-
And I feel ashamed for not standing up for myself. I feel like I’m demanding so much of the people who have to deal with me every day, but I’m letting other people slide, and it’s not fair to this person or that person-
It’s all just stupid. Why can’t people be okay with the fact that sometimes, the gender drama just isn’t worth it to me and I don’t give a shit what people call me, as long as it doesn’t become some stupid drawn out soap opera?