Last night, I dreamed that my lover and I were getting married. He was wearing the most amazing white wedding gown and he looked like a princess. I was wearing a tuxedo. When we walked into the chapel, which had been barren before, the entire place bloomed to life with plants and vines and flowers and it was as if the entire world had become a beautiful and colorful place.
His bouquet was made of baby’s breath and ivy. When we reached the altar, time slowed and stopped, and he handed his bouquet to me. As I gazed at it, I knew our destiny. One day, I told him, we’re going to have a baby girl, and we’re going to name her Ivy.
When I woke up, I felt on fire.
I’ve been wanting to figure out some way to preserve my eggs so I can get on testosterone and still be a daddy some day. The main problems I have with this are the financial implications- it’s going to take me a lot longer to save up enough money to be able to extract and preserve my eggs than it would just to fling that dream to the wind and go on testosterone soon as possible. I know I could still adopt, or find some other way to have a surrogate mother, but more and more often lately I’ve been feeling that I want my baby to be mine. Is that too much to ask? Should I just accept that any baby is as precious as one that comes from my genetics? Am I being too hoity-toity in wanting to be the biological father of my child?