A journey to San Francisco to become no less than Me. (BLOG REBOOT: Former site of Hairy Legs.)

This seemed very important to share with my fellow FTM’s, if to think about, to spread around, to make aware, or even just to correct one person before they hurt someone else.


In this post, this woman is bringing a single point to light, one I was almost entirely unaware of:

“The misogyny in the FTM community is rampant. It seems to be more openly and frequently displayed than in any heterosexual milieu I have ever experienced. It is pure hate…and has been exhibited in many forms…some of which I have personally experienced…others I have only been told about…but I believe the womyn who tell me these things. They have no reason to lie at this point. From mockery to death threats, the hatred for womyn cannot be easily explained away or excused on the pretext that these guys are overcompensating for having been born to a female body when that is not what fits them best. No…this kind of hatred is usually reserved for the “other”…the hatred exhibited by KKK members for African-Americans…the hatred shown to transsexuals by ignorant bigots…the murderous rage that all too often is in the news as a homicide case. That is the quality of hostility that is apparent in many of the posts to the mailing lists frequented by FTMs online.”

In the FTM’s I’ve met online and in real life, I’ve never once seen anything out there that would give me reason to believe these ways of thinking are propagated, and have in fact met and read several feminist transmen. But hearing it from someone who’s been around, experienced way more than I have, and seen it first hand gives me reason to believe it’s out there, and I also believe it’s our job as brothers to correct one another before it gets out of hand in our personal lives and put it to a stop.

I can see how it would develop, personally.  Having had femininity forced on us all our lives, having faced it as an enemy that was overtaking our bodies and minds, and, ultimately, having had to put it in the category of pure evil to overcome it, I can see how anything “pink” (feminine) will be something we would want to shun, put down, or run screaming from into the night.  Currently in a place of social transition, I couldn’t even be in the same room as a chick flick at a party and feel comfortable- I felt required to make several depreciating remarks to distance myself from the film and earn my place with the guys.  I can see the misogyny creeping into the corners of my life, and it frightens me a little- I’m turning into an asshole.

But the result is putting others in our former places, people who don’t even deserve it.  Don’t you remember what it was like to have people look at you “that way,” or tell you that you couldn’t do something because you were a girl, or dismiss you based on the business between your legs?  Why do we perpetrate a world that wasn’t fair in the first place and almost broke us down before we overcame?

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Bring someone up for a change, make their day the way that being called “sir” the first time made you feel like a king for a week.  Just treat others as humans. This world is screwed up; give it some compassion.  For christ’s sake, put your manhood on the line if it means that it might save someone’s life.

Make a change.


Comments on: "Very quickly, while I’m still thinking about it:" (7)

  1. Dameon said:

    Holy Fuck! I didn’t even know this kind of hate existed in the trans world!
    Personally I could never hate women, even though I’m not to fond off girly-girls.
    People should be more tolerant and I mean that in general. Weither male, female, gay, straight, black, white or everything inbetween. It’s all the same to me. We’re all human, no matter what.

    Tch, I’m starting to sound like some kind of preacher.
    Anyway, thanks for bringing this to attention. I’ll be sure to pass it on.

    Dameon Kuroshiro

  2. You know, i’ve head this a few times recently and I have to say that I haven’t met any misogynist transmen myself. I’ve known some who have an “ick” reaction to their female past, much in the same way that many MTFs have an ick reaction to their male past. But I’ve never heard sexist or misogynist comments from any of my trans brothers.

    Now, I’m not saying that the women that have been discussing this online are lying. I just don’t see it in my own experience, online or offline. Maybe it speaks to the people that I tend to associate with. I wouldn’t be friends with someone who espouses any sort of bigotry.

    Incidentally, though, I’ve heard a few MTFs bash genetic women for not being “feminine” enough or for being feminists so . . .you know . .. it goes in all directions. And I’ve been insulted and put down by some trans people for being genderqueer so . . .yeah.

  3. I know it’s going to be rough for me as a gay transman among trans circles because a lot of the time, unless you’re gender-normative within the trans world, people don’t see you as “trans enough”, which is weird. It’s like, we just escaped the gender binary so we could turn around and enforce it on our own. It’s a screwed up world.

  4. Dameon said:

    I’ve read this quote on some trans discusion: “There is no true way to be trans.”
    People do tend to think you’re not really trans unless you’re ‘the usuall case’ that knew since they were 5 or something.

  5. That’s the other thing that bothers me. Sometimes, it seems like you can know that something’s wrong all your life but not quite be able to put a finger on it, cause let’s face it, not everyone is entirely gender-aware at the age of five. In my case, I only showed minor signs when I was really little and my mom crushed it out of me completely through abuse- it took me until just last year to even remember that was going on with me. When it all snapped into place, the dissociation and pain and screwed up situation in my head all sort of dissolved, but you could say that I’ve only been showing signs of being trans for about a year now, when most of the normative transpeople can claim that they’ve been trying to fit into the opposite gender their entire lives. My case isn’t normal, and I’m afraid of people (particularly therapists) trying to tell me that I’m not “trans enough.” But even though I was in denial and in the dark about it for so long, I KNOW this is what I am. It makes sense of everything.

  6. Dameon said:

    I agree, in my childhood I was still living in a genderless world where I did both masculine and feminen stuff. When that genderless world fell away in puberty I slowly started to realize what I really was.
    I did always know I wasn’t like the others, but I didn’t know exactly what was wrong either. So yeah, that sounds pretty familiar.
    Personally, I knew when I had just become fifteen which is now already two years ago. That’s only a year longer than you.
    If the therapists are being difficult, just tell them you’ve met other transmen online who aren’t the usuall case either.
    Besides they should know there’s more than one kind of transpeople. Aren’t they suppossed to be experts?
    Or maybe you could explain why you only discovered it now? Maybe that’s a bad idea, I don’t know.
    You could tell them that for the first time in your life everything finally makes sense. That this is the one thing that feels right. That’s what I’d say anyway.

  7. It’s unfortunate that so many trans folk have to worry about what they will say to their therapist. It shows the extent to which the “dominant discourse” or story of the trans who knew when they were 5 has become THE TRUTH. I was lucky, I had a really cool therapist who got that it’s more complex than that and who didn’t give me a hard time at all. My case is not usual either and, while I did sometimes ID as a boy in various ways as a child, I wasn’t really given a hard time for it. At least not until early adolescence. That’s when the fucked-up-edness started. So I only discovered “Trans” in my late 20s as an option.

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